In gym class today I saw exactly why I don’t fit in with the people around here. I am too different. While they were all yelling, screaming, laughing.. I stood there, as an ice block, not saying a word. I was thinking about myself. Selfish? Maybe… Depression makes you selfish. I am not depressed no more, but the feeling has decided to bury itself a hole inside me. The hole is not deep. It is just deep enough to cover it up and give it the possibility to dig itself up whenever. I do not have a problem with friends. People to be with at school is not a problem. However. Real friends are non-existant for me here. There is noone to talk to for real. I live in a place where everyone is the same. People don’t have personalities of their own. They take after the next. Nothing is real.
I may be a sad and depressing person sometimes. I don’t care. I think people need that. And crying. People need to cry sometimes. Let out all the bad feelings that has been collected throughout days, weeks, months or even years. It is all neccessary. Many don’t know it. They will find out eventually. In order to be happy one has to let go of the bad feelings.
Why do I not belong here? Because this place makes me sad more than neccessary. The people here makes me more depressed than I really am. This place is eating me alive.
Alone, looking out
I think i would rather be depressed & detached because it’s the only way i can understand myself and be different from everyone else. And i would rather be selfish because every now and then…we do need to ’save’ ourselves first before ’saving’ other people.