Humans

We exist.
We walk on our feet. We smile. We mope. We laugh. We cry.
That is all.

New Years Eve

This has by far been my most pessimistic new years eve in a long time. Actually, I have been blank the whole holiday when I think of it. And for at least 50% of the year.
I spent the evening almost alone (meaning I was alone in the room, but not in the house) wallowing in self-pity thinking how the next year is going to suck as much as 2007 did.
Sadly my pessimistic attitude has affected those other people in the house, even sadder; I do not care. Everything feels meaningless right now.

Happy new year to all of you optimists! I really hope 2008 will work out great for you.
To all pessimists; I hope it works out for you too

Stubbornness

Is being stubborn a bad thing?

…

Apparently you have to cry, show your emotion, to make her understand. Telling her over and over again has not done the trick. I do not like that. And I definitely do not like what she said afterwards. I finally have it. I have it, and her opinion is to rip it all away. She cannot understand. She says she does. Missing it without experiencing it is one thing. But when you go from not having it, to having it, and then you suddenly have to give it up again? That is pure cruelty. I have wanted this my whole life. She knows that. She knows it so well. She knows about my problems. She knows how much I wanted it. But what does that matter when someone else, who played the main part of ruining a big part of my childhood, does not want me to have it? She is stuck between two people. I know. And I am selfish thinking she should prioritize my feelings and take my side on this. But she knows what he did. She was part of what he did. And she knows SO well how it affected me. And she knows how happy I am to have it.
For the first time in my life, I feel like she really doesn’t care.